Ashlyn Henderson

Irrational

I used to make the most irrational, dumbest excuses for being unhappy with my body. I would stand in the shower and think “I’m not too big until I can’t see my feet under my belly”, or “Im not too fat until I can’t sit in the tub” I mean seriously how dumb do these thoughts sound?! But, these were actual thoughts that went through my head validating my size.

I’d tell myself stuff my like this after I would spend forever crying on the bathroom floor, literally pinching and pulling the fat on my belly saying over and over I hate my self. Wow, thinking back to these times bring up a lot of raw emotions.

I recently came to the realization after chatting with a friend on social media that I didn’t feel this way because I was truly ugly or gross and fat. I felt this way because of the things I was going through in my head, and because of my own battle to love myself. My self- confidence and self-love was literally non-existent.

The journey to loving my self didn’t just come from losing weight and being healthier. It was a much, much longer road. I started doing a lot of self reflecting, and trying to figure out where this negative image of myself stemmed from. I listened to a lot of podcast, read a lot of books, did some guided workbooks.

Growing up I had moved from school to school, literally almost every year of my life I was in a new school. I was always the ‘new girl’, I never had any solid friends, and most places everyone already was in clicks that I just didn’t fit into. Let’s be real, kids are cruel. I was constantly picked on, put down and the outcast everywhere I went. When I finally felt like I had made a friend or fit in somewhere in the slightest bit, it was time to move again.

Kids picked on me for the glasses I wore, the way I wore my hair, the clothes I wore, the book bag I carried. It’s no damn wonder I began to tear myself apart. If I wasn’t good enough for anyone how could I ever be good enough to love myself.

Processing these things and many other things I went through in my life was my first step to healing. I had to heal before I could love myself the way I wanted. This was a very hard process for me. Some of these things still come back to me some days. Mainly when it comes to my son, I overly obsess and worry if anything comes up that makes him stand out from others. I now believe standing out is beautiful, but I know that others don’t always think this way. It is, in fact a very cruel world we live in.

I never want my son to feel the way I did growing up. I truly hope that the kids who made me feel this way realize as they have matured the damage that the words and things can do to a person.

Everyday I’m working towards a better me. That involves loving myself even on days that are tough. I remind myself all I’ve been through, where I’ve come from but also that I beautiful and different everyday.

Let’s talk food

When adapting a healthier diet were faced with so many challenges. Everyday were surrounded by so many choices for foods, most of which are terrible for our bodies. When I think about the food I’m eating, my first thought always is “sure i love this food and it taste great BUT does this food love me back?”

Here’s what I mean by that; What does the food you’re putting in your body do for YOU. Besides tasting good, does it have vitamins, and nutrients? OR is it full of oils, sodium, sugars, and fat?

When choosing the right foods to stock your pantry there’s one thing that you should constantly repeat over and over; read the ingredients label. No, I don’t mean see how many calories are in the food. Just because something is low in calories doesn’t mean that it is healthy, just because something has “low carbs’ or ‘high in protein’ on the box, does not mean that its good for you. I mean actually read the ingredients in the food, look at the sodium and sugars. If you don’t know what an ingredient is, or if you can’t even read the word, it’s probably a good idea to just put that idea back on the shelf. This is where you’re going to find foods that are truly good for you.

Typically when I’m grocery shopping I try to buy mostly fresh fruits and vegetables and lean meats. But of course there are other foods that require a bit more thinking. I try to make most of my ‘snack foods’, so muffins, protein bites, etc, all at home. This way I know exactly which ingredients are being used. I rarely ever use sugar, if I want to add sweetener to a recipe I will use honey, or stevia.

When choosing a salad dressing or a sauce for spaghetti, I always read the label and check for sugars and sodium. You will be so surprised at how many sugars sauces often have in them! My rule of thumb is usually if I can make it at home, I avoid buying it at the store. Although, I know life is busy and hard and sometimes this is not logical.

Let’s reinvent healthy.

So from here on I want you to rethink what you thought eating heathy or losing weight was. Sure, it’s consuming less calories, but it’s way more then that. When you learn how to fuel your body with foods that are truly good for you in every way, and learn how to eat correctly and not overstuff yourself, then the counting of calories really won’t be necessary .

Before boudoir nervousness?

Feeling a little nervous about your session? I have not done a single boudoir session that my clients didn’t walk in the door nervous and a little intimidated. These sessions can be nerve wracking to prepare for but the outcome of these sessions is so empowering.

First of all, let’s transform your mindset. Over the next 24 hours I want you to repeat these words. “I am beautiful. I am sexy. I am confident. I am enough.” Walking into your boudoir session with a positive mindset can really make a difference for your session. If the thought of “I’m doing this because I want to love my body” ever crossed your mind, lets replace that with “I’m doing this because I love my body, my body is beautiful. I want to show off my body and show my body love.”

The next important thing for you to do 24-48 before your session is HYDRATE. Drink as much water as possible. Hydrating your body will make your skin glow and look incredible. Let’s be honest who doesn’t want glowing skin in pictures.

The night before your session, pack a small bag with all your essentials like a brush, lotion, and makeup for any touch ups. Having these things on hand in case you need it is super helpful. Exfoliate well and shave any areas that might be seen in your lingerie. OR don’t, hey we all have our own preferences.

Choose clothing or lingerie that makes you feel good and confident. Often loose fitting clothing is the best choice. But, I highly encourage you to choose something that makes you feel good. Something that you put on and you look in the mirror and say “Oh hell yeah, this is it.”

While preparing the day of make sure you moisturize. Again, Hydrated skin is glowing and beautiful. Make sure to pay close attention to places like your knees, elbows and knuckles.

When choosing makeup for pictures stick to what makes you, YOU. If you’re the type of person who loves a lot of makeup, then go off sis. If you’re the more natural type who feels like less if more, stay true to yourself. Your natural beauty will shine through!

There will be detail shots. These shots are beautiful, simple and elegant. Wearing jewelry is suggested. Make sure you pay close attention to your hands and feet. Avoid wearing flip flops or open sandals to your session. Instead wear socks and shoes. Weird request, I know. But, hear me out…you will probably have multiple photos where you will see the bottom of your feet. And believe me, you don’t want dirty feet in these.

Lastly, if you are a wine drinker, beer drinker, any kind of drinker for that matter… Bring something to sip on for these. It makes a great photo prop, and it takes the edge off and helps you relax just a bit.

Okay, breathe. Were going to put some music on, laugh, chat, capture some stunning photos and have us a damn good time. 100% of my clients have been nervous for their boudoir sessions, and 100% of my clients have left saying “That was so much fun.” Because it is, it’s a blast and your photos are going to turn out stunning & beautiful just like you. I can’t wait to see you for your session!

Inspire

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”
Nelson Mandela

For so long I was scared to share my knowledge and thoughts with others. I was scared to do what I loved and share it with the world for fear of being shamed, put down, or made fun of… The list goes on. I love kids and being a mom, but sharing what I have learned through my years in childcare and while in school terrified me. I love photography, and all of the beautiful images I capture, but what if others don’t? I love health and fitness, but my journey has been so rocky.. what if others shame me? I always have these thoughts floating around in my head that I think would flow beautifully on paper… But what if they don’t sound as good to others as they do to me?

It didn’t happen over night, but slowly I jumped one hurdle at a time and became comfortable with sharing the things I love and I’m passionate about. The things that make me, me. I opened my photography page, and others loved my work. Maybe not everyone, and that’s okay. I’ve learned through this process, you don’t have to be everyones cup of tea. I began coaching others through their health and wellness journey. I share my knowledge about foods, about working out, and about slef-care. I have slowly began sharing my knowledge about child development and learning. I have slowly started sharing some writing, and some of my thoughts through blogs.

And you know what happened? I am able to authentically be myself. It has changed so much for me. My mental health is better than its ever been, I’m happy and I love what I do.

But you know what else? I inspire others. Other women message me, and they tell me they look up to me. They follow my work, they love what I do, and they have made changes in their lives because of ME. These messages, are what drive me to keep on posting, to keep sharing my knowledge, to keep taking beautiful pictures.

Because to me, I don’t care if I drive 100 people crazy with my posts. I don’t care if 10,000 people don’t like my work. What matters to me are those few people I did inspire. If I can change the lives of just a few people, then I did more then enough. If I can be myself and do what I love, while helping others, then I did more then enough.

“Your greatest power lies in touching someones life and changing it forever.”
Pablo Randero

To anyone who is scared to share their talent, or scared to share their knowledge. To anyone who is intimidated by others and their opinions.. you could be the one who changes it all for someone else. Put yourself out there, take risks, grow. It’s scary, change is scary, and uncomfortable. But, if it weren’t uncomfortable it wouldn’t make you better.

Wake up tomorrow, and chose to do what you love. Chose to do what makes you happy. Don’t spend another day hiding your talents because of someone else. Chose to be authentically YOU.

Self Care.

I hear my son fussing, I reach over to touch my phone to see the time. 5:30, it’s only 5:30 am. Why in the hell does this kid wake up BEFORE the roosters?! I lay there for another minute just hoping he will fall back to sleep and give me at least another hour… not a chance. I get up to make him his morning bottle and bring him to the bed with us for snuggles before we start our day. I’m standing there waiting for his bottle to warm, I start to feel funny. I’m hot and sweaty, my heart keeps beating faster and faster, I start shaking. Before I know it, my vision starts tunneling, so I all out my boyfriends name.

Minutes later, I’m waking up in my bedroom floor with a glass of water spilled on the floor and soaked from sweat. I feel so so crappy, I’m sick to my stomach, my head is pounding, I’m dizzy and terrified. Not entirely how I expected to spend Mother’s Day. I decide I should probably go get checked out since this crappy feeling isn’t going anywhere. While Im waiting on my aunt to pick up my son for the day, I’m sitting on the couch watching my son play. I can’t help but cry, I am totally devastated that I won’t be spending this day with my boy.

He notices my change in mood and sees me crying, he stops what he’s doing and runs right to me. He wraps me in a hug, as if he’s saying “it’s okay momma.” It was in this moment that I knew I had some major life changes to make. I mean seriously, how did I let myself go this far? I’m a mom, a mentor, and coach. How in the hell am I supposed to set examples for my son, for other women, other mommas when I’m not even caring for myself. I mean, I thought I was. I was eating healthy, I’m exercising. But I’m also spreading myself so thin. I’m staying up too late, I’m putting too much on myself, I’m overwhelmed with stress from running 3 business and not having any type of schedule or limits.

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to chose how you use it.”
Anna Taylor

So, it turns out caring for yourself goes beyond working out and eating healthy. You can be in shape physically but if you don’t care for yourself in other aspects all that won’t matter. Set limits for yourself, go to bed early, drink water, take hot baths, stretch, read a good book just because.

My friends and family have been giving me this advice for months. Telling me the slow down, I’m hard headed and stubborn. But also very driven, obviously. It took me literally passing out in my floor not once, but twice to realize that they were right. I am committing to caring for myself better, because my son needs me. And because I want to inspire others to do the same.

I am telling you this story because I want you to know that everyone falls down, everyone makes mistakes. No ones journey is perfect. Not yours, not mine, and not the perfectly toned girl lifting in your instagram reels. All of our journeys have bumps in the road, and we may get a little off track sometimes. But those bumps, they don’t ruin this journey for you. They don’t make or break you. They don’t define you. Because when you fall, you get right back up off your ass, you wipe yourself off, and you pick back up where you left off. If there’s one thing that will bring you to your goals, it’s consistency. Its committing even when things get rough. If it was easy, it wouldn’t be worth it. If it was comfortable, you wouldn’t see change. You got this girl, I’m rooting for you!